The thought of having that one special person with whom you would like to spend your ‘forever’ must have crossed your mind, at least once. However, a loving and understanding partner who could walk with you till the very end, embracing all your adorable and not-so-adorable parts, cannot be found within a day. Though you can’t do much to alter the wait, there are a few things you need to be conscious about while seeking a life partner.
“You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.” ― Emery Allen
First of all, you need to make sure that you are not seeking a partner to avoid meeting parts of yourself. Because, no matter how much you try to avoid and escape these parts, they will be mirrored, repeatedly, in front of you till you learn to embrace them. Not only would your attempts to avoid these unpleasant bits of your own self go in vain, but the relationship you build with another from this space will also struggle without a strong foundation to keep it grounded.
A relationship that is born from a foundation of conditional acceptance of your own self would make you emotionally dependent on your partner. This will spiral out into you feeling unhealthily insecure and vulnerable in the relationship. If you don’t feel confident about taking care of yourself and embracing yourself completely, the chances of you expecting your partner to fill those gaps are sky high.
It is natural to feel the need to be loved, accepted and appreciated; however it’s important that you ask yourself, ‘Do I love, accept and appreciate myself wholly?’ Before you demand it from others, you have to be willing to give yourself all of you. More often than not, we expect from others what we need to offer ourselves, and thus feel unfulfilled no matter how much we receive from them.
Your partner is not responsible to take care of your emotional wounds and vulnerabilities. He/she is here to help you, support you, but not to fix you or parent you. The degree to which you are able to take responsibility for your wounds and vulnerabilities will help release your partner from carrying this burden which is not his or hers to carry.This would allow you both to nurture each other as well as grow independently.
It is important to know that a life partner is not the answer to your loneliness. It may surprise you to know that according to some research, married people feel more lonely than single people. Loneliness has more to do with your self-expression than to do with having people around.
"The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other." – Osho
In short, the secret to having a fulfilling relationship is to love yourself and take responsibility for yourself, without which you will not be able to offer unconditional love to your partner. So free yourself and your partner from this chain of expectations by being responsible for your own happiness, and let the love that comes from the outside be a bonus.