We all know that holding onto a past that is disturbing will help us in no way but take us on a downward spiral. However, the harder we try to let go, the deeper we get entangled, making us feel even more helpless and lost. If you are in a similar situation or have been in one, you will be able to relate to this article the most.
Letting go of someone who meant a world to you is never going to be easy, and it is ridiculous to expect it to happen without pain. Your mind will seek certainty and ask, if you are sure it’s time to let go and move on, or if it is time to try harder? It will ask if you can be sure you will find someone with whom you could experience the same level of connection, emotions and comfort.
(Making you seek certainty on things you can never be certain about is your minds way of making you feel confused and stuck)
You may never be certain that it is the right time to move on, or that you will find someone with whom you could connect with the same level of intensity. However, all you can do here is to do the best of your knowledge, without putting your self-respect down. Once you have done this, know that you need not do anything more. If it is still not meant to stay, the best you could do is to let it go, though a part of you would still be weeping.
It doesn’t matter if they helped you get through a tough time, or helped you realize your potential;
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been through a lot with them;
It doesn’t matter how much it hurts and how terribly you miss them
What is meant to go has to go. The sooner you could get you to accept this, the faster you could heal and move on to what life has in store for you.
Things you must keep in mind as you choose to move forward
There is nothing that is more precious than the relationship that you share with yourself
No matter how precious the person/relationship you are holding onto may seem like, nothing is more important than the relationship you share with yourself. Until you learn to love and take care of yourself, you won’t be able to nurture a healthy relationship with someone. Be willing to put yourself first, and take care of yourself.
There is no way you could avoid feeling those painful emotions. The sooner you learn to embrace them, the faster you can heal.
As Berne Brown said in her Ted talk “ We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”
You are the victim of the situation only till you make yourself believe so
Treating yourself as the victim of the situation will save you from taking the responsibility of your well-being, but it won’t help you in moving on and setting yourself free.
Forgive them, forgive yourself
You holding a grudge against them or yourself will do no good but keep you locked in your past. Know that everyone is doing the best from what they know, even when it seems otherwise.
What is the hidden blessing in the situation?
There is always a blessing in everything that happens in life, only the ones who trust it could see it. Find out what is the biggest blessing in your situation, and be grateful for it.
Your happiness is your responsibility
You are responsible for your happiness and well-being; no relationship is an excuse to forget this.
The trap you need to be aware of
The act of missing someone will put a blindfold over your eyes on all the bad that has happened and make you remember only the good. It will make you want to relieve those memories, no matter how far from reality it is today.
If at all you manage to see beyond those good memories, the philosophy that ‘known devil is better than unknown angel’ will make you lean towards comfort than aspire for freedom in such difficult situations. You may catch yourself saying “It’s is not that bad after all.” Making yourself believe, one has to wait till the situation goes out of hand before they choose to move on.
The excessive focus on fear may trigger questions like, “what if I don’t find anyone else? Am I quitting too soon? What if things work out well from tomorrow? – This sense of fear, doubt and false hope would try and keep you stuck.
The only way out from this is, knowing you deserve better, you deserve happiness and peace of mind. You deserve someone who won’t keep you guessing and wondering and hoping and anxious and scared. Someone who loves you and is sure about you. Someone who is perfect for you. Don't settle for anything less.
Rewrite your unhappy ending by opening yourself up to a new beginning. You might think you’re not ready, but you are. You’re stronger than you think. <Hug>.