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Why does most marriage advice fail to serve modern couples?


Marriages are no more the same institution we knew a few years back. It has been evolving with time as well as social and economic advancements. Gone are the days when religious entities dictated the dos and don’ts in a relationship; the days when roles in a relationship were pre-decided by their gender; the days when women had to depend on men economically; the days when passion in a relationship was compromised for its stability.

We now expect a lot more from our relationship than we ever expected before. We expect our partner to give us a sense of stability, meaning and purpose. At the same time we also expect our partner to fulfil our emotional and sexual needs; in many cases financial and other needs too. In short, we expect our partner to be the one stop solution for all our needs.

If we look at the marriage advice that does the rounds on the social media or the ones we get to hear from our family and friends, or at times even from our counsellors focus a great deal on building stability in a relationship. However, a generation who has seen their parents compromise passion for stability, are seeking for better ways to nurture a relationship. They are not happy to settle for a mere functional relationship, they expect much more. They also don’t believe in sticking with a partner for a lifetime if they don’t manage to lead a healthy relationship.

With each couple building their relationship on their own terms, each relationship has its own identity and uniqueness. Hence, the generic marriage advice may not cater to the nuances in each relationship. Thus it becomes extremely important to listen deeply and understand the chemistry in a relationship, and the values they hold as individuals and as a couple before one offers them wisdom.